1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
sex in a hospital.. check
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
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