I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
apparently the secret to your success is patron
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
