I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
Randomize