your parents love me but you hate me
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
Best friends brother. Beat that.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
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