she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
