woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
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