so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
Randomize
