i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
Randomize
