I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
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