The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Randomize
