I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize