I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
