The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
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