Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
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