Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
Randomize