normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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