No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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