Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
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