I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Randomize
