I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
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