Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
