Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
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