i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
