I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
