i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
Randomize