My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
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