she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
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