Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
Randomize