why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
Sorry my hands just texted you
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Randomize
