The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Randomize
