he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
Randomize