Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
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