now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Randomize
