I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
Randomize
