i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
Randomize
