Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
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