He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
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