just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
Randomize