She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Randomize
