We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
Found the puke drawer
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
