im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
Randomize
