after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
I booty called her while she was in labor.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
Randomize
