I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Randomize
