the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
