it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize
