it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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