I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
even my farts smell like vagina
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
how do flat chested girls get laid?
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
Randomize
