i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
Randomize
