he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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