why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
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