I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
