a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
Randomize
