I want to make a zoo with you.
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
Pants are for mortals
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
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