I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
Randomize
