So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
Randomize
