just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
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