i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Randomize
