$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Randomize