So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
Randomize
