Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
