I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
Randomize
