almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
Randomize
