she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
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