But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
Randomize
