Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
They have beer where we have blood.
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
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