When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
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