You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
