why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Randomize
