another moral hangover. fuck.
Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
Randomize
